Welcome to My Story. PART II

Welcome to second installation of "50 things you may not know about me". If you actually made it through the first 25 … CONGRATS! You already know more about me now than is probably legally acceptable without the filing of a restraining order. Well, here are 25 more for you to ponder. 

At the very least I hope to make you giggle, gasp, nod your head knowingly as you recognize a familiar character flaw, maybe exclaim “wow that’s pretty cool!” at least once, shrug your shoulders, cry a little perhaps, spontaneously turn to the person next to you and point at your screen shouting “ Hey! Me too!”, swear under your breath, roll your eyes,  scratch your head, laugh out loud or any combination of the above.

Feel free to comment once you’re done.

Or not. Either way. It’s ok. I won’t mind. 
(see #10 of Part I)

1. The strongest and most courageous person I know is my mom. And I think that even more every day.
   
   
2. I didn’t actually figure out what sex was until the 8th grade (if you do the math… I was 14) I was studying for a test on human reproduction. I got the whole “men provide sperm, women produce eggs from the ovaries, carry the baby,” etc etc etc. I totally understood the biology of it. I didn’t quite get the “how”. I thought that it happened in test tubes. I got HALF the question out of my mouth to my mom, when I actually LOOKED at the diagram of a man next to a woman and thought… hmmm look how neat. THAT would fit quite nicely THERE wouldn’t it? Oh. OH. OH!!! EW! You did WHAT while I was sleeping in the next room?!!
   
   
3. I like to smile at total strangers and get a smile back. It somehow makes the world seem fixable.
   
   
4. I feel absolute RAGE when flight attendants harshly tell you (or worse! wake you up by moving the seat) to put your seat in an upright position when the damn thing barely moves less than a half inch! The difference between life and death?? I THINK NOT! (Well, maybe theirs!!)
   
   
5. I have had baby birds hatch in my hands.
   
   
6. I LOVE cheese. My favorite is Parmigiano Reggiano but there isn’t anything I won’t try now. A little Chateau de Bourgogne (brie) on a French baguette? I’d have that everyday if I could.
   
   
   
   
7. I can’t watch hockey without thinking about my Dad….(often watching overtime through his eyelids.)
   
   
8. I think I am much more clever on paper (written) than I am in person. Things I write seem much funnier than when I say them out loud. I’m also not very good at telling jokes.
   
   
9. I have never ever taken someone’s job. I was always either hired into a new position, helped create a new position, or it had been vacated for some time. That’s the way I like it. AND I have never been fired. I was laid off once but rehired a few months later. Then I started working in racing where jobs were lost when sponsorship was lost and teams folded. But that’s a long story that I’ll need adult beverages to make it easier to share.
   
   
10. I took American Sign Language classes after I was laid off from a job in 2000. I continued the courses after I was rehired and still keep in touch with a lot of my deaf friends and enjoy making new ones. I’m WAY rusty now but can still keep up if they sign slowly. I first got interested in ASL because I used to watch a show called “Say it with Sign” on PBS as a kid. I think it’s a beautiful expressive language.
    
    
11. I still believe in happy endings… In movies and in life.
    
    
12. I have met and worked with a lot of “famous” people. Most are/were sports figures and some of which I am lucky enough to have them call me a friend. Pedro Martinez is still among my favorites. I was pretty geeked out to meet Jane Goodall in person. I have interviewed Alice Cooper and John Rys Davies (from Indiana Jones movies) and both made me laugh really hard! My favorite interview was hockey great Jean Beliveau. The first racecar driver I officially interviewed was the late Greg Moore in 1998. The only driver to blatantly hit on me was Jacques Lafitte (but I actually found that quite funny and charming).
    
    
13. Having a person I love take my face in their hands, look into my eyes and smile makes my knees week and my heart grow. My niece Maya was 3 years old when she first did this to me.
    
    
14. I think that if anyone hurt my sisters or my parents, I would actually be capable of murder. I am also certain that I would give my life to save theirs if I had to.
    
    
15. I love photographs. Some people have diaries… I have photos. I remember every single one I have ever taken and what it meant to me at that very moment. I have over 20,000 photos in boxes in my mom’s basement. Thank God for digital photography and exterior hard drives.
    
    
16. I will only wear perfume on special occassions but when I do it is usually only one of two: Anais Anais by Cacharel or Tuscany by Aramis. I would like to one day have a bottle of Chanel No.5. My grandmother taught me the value of perfume. Her dream was to open a perfumeria. I admit I am attracted to perfume more by the esthetic beauty of the bottle than that of the scent.
    
    
17. When I first saw the movie “Amelie Poulin” I actually felt lighter and happier knowing someone was saying it was okay to be like that.
    
    
18. I am convinced that I will one day write an incredible screenplay for a movie and win an OSCAR. I first got this notion when I was in the 6th grade. I’m going to use this line in my acceptance speech.
    
    
19. The best part of my day is going home to be greeted by a very happy wiggly dog. Dogs sure know how to tell you they missed you. I wish people would do that too!
    
    
    
    
20. I used to voice F1 race reports on Air Canada flights. I also translated & voiced 17 episodes of “Quebec a la Mouche” a fly-fishing TV show for the Outdoor Network in Canada & the US. I really liked doing voice over work.
    
    
21. I didn’t get boobs/breasts/puppies until I was 24. This was a constant source of anxiety for me through my teens and early twenties. I even did the exercises outlined in the book "Are you there God, It's me Margaret." They finally filled out (naturally) and I am very happy with how they have turned out. Really.
    
    
22. I LOVE birthdays. I believe that birthdays are THE one day you should be absolutely spoiled and pampered. You should be the center of everyone’s universe for that one day a year. 
    I love making a birthday special for people who are special to me. I write notes with riddles to where presents are hidden, make personalized cakes, favorite foods, etc etc etc. Anything to make the day amazing.
    
    The problem is… I’d love to have that done for my birthday too. While I don’t hold it against anyone, no one seems to really have the time to make the effort to do that for anyone anymore.
    
    Most real birthday celebrations seem to stop after you hit 7 years old. That’s not fair. I believe that on your birthday, the universe should give you presents too; a winning lottery ticket, a beautiful sunny day, extra love and cuddles, birthday wishes come true, the works.
    
    
23. If I find something REALLY REALLY funny... I laugh, then I snort. It’s an inherited family trait. I’ll snort and then apologize for it. Snort. Sorry. Laugh. Snort. Sorry. My friend Josh pointed that out to me years ago. He still laughs about it.
    
    
24. I don’t like the word extraordinary. Does it mean extra-ordinary or beyond ordinary?
    
    
25. I was PAINFULLY shy from birth to my mid-20s. I was afraid of people and as a result, I stammered and stuttered. All people seemed 'mean and scary' to me because quite frankly I have dealt with quite a few like that. (Yep I had bullying issue much like everyone else but I took it REALLY personally.)
    
    I finally figured out that the only way people would actually MAYBE like me is if they got to know me, if I did nice things for them, or made them laugh, or feel good. If they liked me, they wouldn’t be mean. If I was nice to them, then maybe they might actually be nice to me back.
    
    Sadly I’ve learned that isn’t always true. But I’ve also learned that it doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that it is still worth it, if only to find those that are worth getting to know because they can enrich your life so. Even if for just a moment.

That's it. That's all. Actually... That's not true. There is more. A lot more. But I'll let you recover from this first and then maybe, if you think I'm interesting enough, you'll come back for more. (If not, it's been nice. Thank you for stopping by. Happy Adventures. Hope to see you soon.)

Welcome to My Story. Part I

To catch you up on my adventures to date, here are 50 things you may not know about me. If you actually make it through this entire post (Part I & Part II)… CONGRATS! You know more about me now than is probably legally acceptable without the filing of a restraining order.

At the very least I hope to make you giggle, gasp, nod your head knowingly as you recognize a familiar character flaw, maybe exclaim “wow that’s pretty cool!” at least once, shrug your shoulders, cry a little perhaps, spontaneously turn to the person next to you and point at your screen shouting “ Hey! Me too!”, swear under your breath, roll your eyes,  scratch your head, laugh out loud or any combination of the above.

Feel free to comment once you’re done.

Or not. Either way. It’s ok. I won’t mind. (see #10)

1. I am Canadian. Born in Montreal, Quebec. My mom is Austrian and grew up in the beautiful city of Vienna. My Dad is Italian and grew up near the city of Terni (who’s patron saint is St. Valentine) in the province of Umbria. The rest of my family is from various places in Europe. I have some gypsy in me. Two world wars and a few civil ones tend to force people to change places. I was the first Canadian born of the family. I am very proud and interested by my heritage and my family history.
   
2. I have two sisters, both younger than me. I am the shortest in the family.
    
   
3. Getting my hair cut was always a trauma for me. I once went 6 years without a hair cut. I blame Walt Disney for much of this as all the heroines in the stories had beautiful long hair. I was particularly traumatized by the mom of a childhood friend who was supposed to TRIM my LONG waist length hair but instead cut it to the point everyone thought I was a boy for two years. I was 7 at the time. I never recovered.
   
    
4. I can quote movie lines ad nauseam, and often do, but I can NEVER remember all the words to ANY song. Maybe an occasional chorus, or few lines here and there, but never an entire song! Every year I endeavor to learn all the lyrics of one complete song. Hasn’t happened yet.
   
5. I am NOT a morning person. I may be awake at 7 but my brain will not properly function until at least 10 am. Until then, I’m grumpy, ugly, nasty, and I make NO apologies for it. (*The only exception to this rule is if I have to be at a race track at 7 am.) My mom STILL likes to tell people she thought I’d be a “go-go dancer” (aka stripper) because I was a nighthawk since birth. I do some of my best thinking and work during the night.
   
6. I love handwritten letters on pretty stationary and envelopes. I have boxes of lovely stationary with all kind of designs. I love sending letters but I LOVE getting letters more. I think the last actual letter I ever got was from a Brazilian woman that I had met in Amsterdam when I was 7 and with whom I remained pen pals for nearly 20 years. I like getting cards and postcards too, my family still sends those, but nothing beats a nice personal handwritten letter to make you feel special.
   
7. I believe animals and birds have souls and a great capacity for love. I’m not sure about all human beings though.
   
8. I used to think Snoopy and Pepe le Pew were real and my best friends. (Like Santa or the tooth fairy for others) They still are to me.
   
9. I can read write and speak three languages fluently; English, French and Italian. I understand at least 4 others, can order beer in 8 different languages and know at least one swear word in 10 languages.
   
   I can also recognize most accents and identify what language is being spoken even if I don’t necessary speak that language. I am intrigued and interested by the roots of words and languages. I went to German school when I was little, advanced Italian in University, and I even took a college course in Scots (spoken in Scotland) taught by (NHL coach and hockey great) Scotty Bowman’s brother, Martin Bowman.
   
10. I’m not good with confrontations. EVER.
    
11. I am a bird person. I love and understand birds. I have been fascinated with them since I was a baby. My mom often recounts how I would sit in the sandbox at the park and try to catch the birds that came to take sand baths. (They do that.) I went from mending backyard birds to raising wild babies. I had a robin for 8 years that ate dogfood and took baths promptly at 12 noon everyday. We had a cedar waxwing that lived and flew freely in our kitchen for a year.
    
    My first bird was a yellow parakeet named Susie that my aunt Monique and Uncle Manolo gave me. I have many raised many colourful baby lovebirds. I've been owned by Cockatiels like the adorable "Q" and Wolfie (named after Mozart) who wolf whistled, said "Allo Toi" and whistled the baseball "charge" prompt.
    
    I've been bossed around by a Blue Fronted Conure named Snapple who sang “You are my Sunshine”, and have had two very cheeky and extremely pretty Green Cheeked Conures. 
    I'm serenaded daily by an amazing American Roller Canary named Rossini, who does his namesake proud. I was preened everyday by a very affectionate Moluccan Cockatoo named Jack who laid an egg 8 years after adopting “him”.
    Zooey, an African Grey, is the last adoptee and she came with a chicken, 4 different mobile phone ringers, one fire alarm, a cat, and a zipper (sounds she makes). 
    
    My true love, Reno the African Grey, speaks three languages and has a repertoire of about 250 words/phrases & sounds and is about the smartest and funniest creature EVER. 
    
    I never bought a bird in a pet shop. I seem to be very adept at adopting everyone else’s problems.
    
12. My comfort food is Pasta (my mom’s gnocchi is tops on the list) and Nutella. (Although I have never tried them together) I am convinced I can subsist on eating only those two items and have tried on many an occasion.
    
13. I actually miss licking stamps. I mention this every so often at the post office and get some very interesting looks.
    
14. I have a true fondness for teachers. Teachers have had a BIG influence on my life. Mrs. Topham (Kindergarden) was my first.
    
    Mr. John Riley (grade 6) probably was the most influential and probably the best teacher I ever had. He truly knew how to teach and had a lasting impact on EVERY student that walked in his door. He is the ONLY teacher I know that, to this day, has remained a friend to HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of his students. (But I still have a hard time calling him John)
    
    Ms. Hendy got me into actually PLAYING sports and enjoying it. She taught me about leadership.
    
    Mr. Praw made math fun. He made you want to be smart. He was hilarious. I still use some of his catch phrases.
    
    Mr. West was probably my most difficult teacher. I hated him but it is because of him that I have a better appreciation for the English language. He taught me that NO ONE is EVER perfect and his editing excercices were the PERFECT preparation for the advent of twitter!
    
    Barclay Watt steered me towards the media and the arts in college when I was actually studying Health Science. Teachers are WAY too underrated.
    
15. I hate when people “Uh-hun” me after I say “Thank you”. (I’m looking at you United States Mid-West!) I find it rude. It’s okay to “uh-hun” if you are agreeing with someone (replacing a yes) but it should NEVER replace a “You are welcome.” NEVER. (*disclaimer: After 6 years in the Mid-West I un-hunned ONCE by accident. Never did it again.)
    
16. I cannot be left alone with a credit card in the following places: a pet supply shop, a book store, or Lululemon.
    
17. I get the hiccups a lot. They are loud and obnoxious. I get them often when I am nervous or anxious about something. I once had them so loud and so long when I was working a Canadiens hockey radio broadcast (as a producer) that the play-by-play guy and Hall of Fame broadcaster, Dick Irvin, had to apologize to everyone listening nationally (Canada) for the odd noise you could hear over the crowd. We were inundated by calls from listeners offering suggestions on how to get rid of them. None of them worked.
    
18. I have a REALLY REALLY LONG fuse (see #10) but a VERY VERY bad temper at the end of it. Only 3 people have ever seen it. (I can’t guarantee they still walk this earth). I can hold a grudge MUCH longer than you might ever think. I do forgive but I rarely forget.
    
19. I played the violin when I was little… but it used to make me cry. I’m not sure why exactly but I think it was because I found music so very beautiful. I would do the same thing when my mum took me to the ballet or opera. I felt the music sweep through me and emotions just gush out. Music STILL does that to me.
    
20. I’m never short winded (as you can tell from this list). If I like you, I will share my stories and adventures with you. I’m happy to say that I have a lot of them. They are NEVER short stories. Problem is… I forget to whom I have recounted which stories …so I tend to repeat myself … a lot. Sorry.
    
21. When I was 12, I was convinced that I was going to marry my dog Bella. She was a Belgian German Sheppard who lived 16 years (had her longer than my little sister) and was the most loyal and amazing dog. My current dog, a very funny Cairn Terrier, Isabella (Izzy) is named in tribute to her. Bella was in my arms the day her soul left us and it was the saddest day of my life. I still get emotional about it.
    
    
    
    
22. My first real job was at Rainbow Market on Desaulniers in St.Lambert. I was the stockgirl and cleaned the meat and milk counters everyday. It was gross.
    
23. It upsets me that I don’t feel as smart as I used to when I was in school. I was once tested and was told I had an I.Q. of 123. I don’t even know what that means. Another test had me higher but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t score well now. Not because I’m not smart… I think I’ve just forgotten all the smart things I used to know. I was always a little more book smart than street smart.
    
24. If I could have only one chocolate for the rest of my life it would be Perugina’s Baci chocolates. Italian chocolates wrapped with little fortune style messages and sayings about love and romance in 4 different languages.
    
25. When I was 9, I sneezed, hiccupped and farted all at the exact same time. It actually hurt a little but I laughed so hard afterwards that the memory of it still makes me laugh out loud. I’ll conjure the memory up from time to time when I need a laugh.

Thanks for reading... more to come in PART II

The Things We Women Do...

Following a much needed evening with one of my gal pals, quite possibly supplemented by adult beverages, and during which we found ourselves discussing some of the awful things we women go through in order to maintain our outer beauty for the sake of remaining attractive to men... she sent me the story that can be found below.

It is almost EXACTLY the same story that I found myself recounting to my girlfriend during that particular lovely liquid enhanced conversation that sent us into waves upon waves of howling laughter. 

Seriously. It was like someone had transcribed MY description of my own personal adventure with a package of green depilatory bikini wax and a 10 gallon tub of expensive olive oil during a vacation stay a boyfriend's aunt home on Christmas Eve. (An actual story I MAY recount for you but at another time). 

It is SCARY how much the story below is similar to my particular experience. I don't know WHY I am even admitting this, but I am. Don't judge me.

Being a woman is MUCH harder than it looks. I assure you!!!

Here's the story (It is MUCH funnier a story if you haven't actually lived it yourself.)

I repeat, this is NOT my story. It may not even be true. But I'm guessing someone has had this actually happen to them (apart from me). You simply can't make stories like this up: 

"ADVENTURES IN HAIR REMOVAL"

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, sugaring, depilatory creams like Nair, and of course...the wax. Read on......

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out.....must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. 

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop".

My head may pop off! What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? 

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now . I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! 

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

IT WORKS!!

It works !! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Stories from the Doctor's Office.

Quite a few years ago, I had just the BEST "woman's" doctor. The doctor was a man but always went the extra mile to make me feel more comfortable by telling jokes and stories of some of his adventures as a doctor. 

Have you ever found yourself laughing while a doctor is "examining" you? It's a VERY odd experience at first but with time it actually was something to look forward to. He had hysterical stories of misadventures, misunderstandings and such and always made me laugh.

He told a great story about how on a particularly cold winter day, a young child was playing with his mom's pots and pans in the kitchen, put his head in a pot and had a screw holding the handle come loose, trapping his head from the nose up, inside the pot. The mom, not wanting the child to catch a cold on the way to the emergency room to get the pot removed from her child's head, carefully put a Montreal Canadiens tuque (winter hat) OVER the pot. The doctor's description of the sight of this poor child being dragged blindly with this pot and tuque on his head into the emergency room waiting room was enough to still have me giggling about it 20+ years later. 

To this day, when it is THAT time of year, even though I sadly no longer have that doctor, I am reminded of some of the stories he told. 

I few years ago while surfing the web, I came across a story similar in nature to ones that my doctor shared with me  which makes me wonder if (A) he made all those stories up or (B) maybe he was the actual doctor in this story. 

Let me make this clear. This is NOT my story. I swear! I'm not even certain if it is a true story, but I do know that it made me laugh and therefore I felt the need to share it with you ...

"THE WASHCLOTH"

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said,

"My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?"

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal . Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

NEVER going back to that doctor ever, ever, ever!!

Letter from the Tooth Fairy

This was an actual email from THE Tooth Fairy (nudge nudge wink wink) to my Nephew Oliver in early Nov 2011...

Dear Oliver,

I meant to leave you a note last night under the pillow but it was dark and I couldn't find anything to write with or on, without waking up your family.

So I found your mother & father's email addresses on the internet and decided to send you a quick note today instead because I have so many stops tonight for children who lost teeth today, that I wasn't sure I would be able to make it back by your bed tonight to leave you a proper letter.

I wanted to let you know that I couldn't find your tooth last night but left you a little money anyways because I know how careful you are with your teeth and what good care you take of them brushing every night.

(although I know that you sometimes cheat a little when you don't brush long enough) 

I also know that your mother usually leaves me a nice little note asking if I could let her keep your baby teeth because she loves you and all your little parts so much.

And because you are such a good boy and your mom is so nice, I make an exception for you all the time.

But since this time I didn't find the tooth I thought maybe you forgot or maybe you just didn't believe in me anymore.

Things have changed a lot since your mother and father were children so I thought I would also let you know how we do things at the tooth factory these days.

We now have a REALLY cool automated electronic warning system to let us know when someone is close to losing a tooth.

This way we know we are going to have to schedule a visit soon.

Then another alarm goes off when the child actually loses the tooth so that we know that it is time to make a stop by their house and take a look under the pillow.

I was very pleased when I heard you had lost another wonderful white baby tooth. You are growing up just so quickly!

But there is a problem with our machine because it doesn't always tell us HOW the tooth is lost. So when we don't see the tooth under the pillow, we usually find out only a few days later that the tooth was lost because of an accident and it got lost in the dirt, or even swallowed by the child. 

Sometimes the tooth gets taken out by the dentist and we don't actually get it until much later and then we have to fill out all this paper work.

And when that happens, we usually have to wait to be sure before we leave money under the pillow. BUT since I have been coming to collect YOUR beautiful little white teeth since you were just a little boy, when I didn't see the tooth under the pillow, I knew that there had to be a really good reason.

So I decided to leave money for you anyways because you have always been so good with your teeth. But you'll need to do me a little favor. Can you either take a photo of your tooth and send it to me at this email address OR put it under your pillow for the next few nights so that I can verify it. 

My schedule is SO full since kids are losing teeth on Halloween candy this week, I might not get to your house to see the tooth until the weekend.

We need to be careful with our accounting these days and make sure we are not paying too much for bad teeth. You wouldn't believe how many rotten teeth we get these days.

So if you could do that for me that would be great.

Also, if you can do me another little favor... Can you help Maya brush her teeth too every night?

You've done such a good job with yours and when you don't have any more baby teeth to give me, I'd still like to come and keep collecting Maya's baby teeth too.

But if she doesn't brush as often and as well as you do, they won't be as nice and they might get rotten and I won't be able to leave her money or come visit anymore.

Do you think you can do that for me?

Thank you again for all your lovely white teeth Oliver. 

It makes being a tooth fairy a LOT more fun when I get to see such beautiful white teeth like yours.

Take care of them now that you are a big boy!

I love you and all your teeth!

Your Tooth Fairy